Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
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Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Two words: nipple clamps
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