My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
