You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She's the barista slut.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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