My underwear smells like fireworks.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
whose parrot is this?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
