babies were throwing up all over the place
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
