my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
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They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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