Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
nutella sex= disaster
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
