I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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