She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just found puke in my bra..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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