I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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