"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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