dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
FUCK WHALES
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