i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
