just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
