The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
