Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
