As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
