Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
