im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
