I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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