the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
