i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
