I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
