I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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