I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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