textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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