no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
