Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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