the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
