Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
