Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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