Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
