The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is Oprah even human
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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