No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
