8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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