Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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