Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(772): View more from Florida

you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted

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(772): you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted http://tfl.nu/vebg

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.

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(580): That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything. http://tfl.nu/fbvq

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold

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(908): Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold http://tfl.nu/axfw

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.

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(978): Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win. http://tfl.nu/r148

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(740): View more from Ohio

you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god

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(740): you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god http://tfl.nu/byer

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(443): View more from Maryland

WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock

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(443): WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock http://tfl.nu/0ctc

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(443): View more from Maryland

Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.

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(443): Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had. http://tfl.nu/2xlf

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR

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(724): he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR http://tfl.nu/mrnu

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(818): View more from California

Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?

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(818): Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of? http://tfl.nu/fxpe

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key

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(609): Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key http://tfl.nu/pj3h

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?

(1-920): View more from Wisconsin

Yes and yes

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(920): Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend? (1-920): Yes and yes http://tfl.nu/cdzo

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(650): View more from California

Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?

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(650): Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation? http://tfl.nu/9kky

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(716): View more from New York

It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!

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(716): It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT! http://tfl.nu/5pm7

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(630): View more from Illinois

like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.

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(630): like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant. http://tfl.nu/ihww

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(596): View more from

Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.

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(596): Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop. http://tfl.nu/tzap

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