$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
