Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
should my penis look like a turkey
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?