You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.