why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
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Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me