I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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