dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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