Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
