end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
