You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize