Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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