My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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