...so i touched it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
