i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
