remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
