I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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