This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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