Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What a dumb baby whore.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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