Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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