i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
