OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
