Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
