I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
