He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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