he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
