I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
