don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
