my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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