Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
