i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
