i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
