fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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