I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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